Monday, December 04, 2006

Stress knitting

This is my latest project. The yarn is Knitpicks swish superwash and the pattern is a picture I have in my head which is why I'm knitting it from the top down and have finished the neckline (ribbing and all) so that I can try it on as I go and see if the actual sweater matches the picture in my mind. So far so good.

I heard through the family that my brother and sister in law are still having "issues". It breaks my heart because they have pretty much written us (my brother's family) out of their lives. Because of the problems (drugs) there is nothing that I can do to help them (already tried and was burned). They need to make important decisions on their own. And so I knit. I knit because it is a stress release. I knit because it's like meditation, or perhaps it is meditation. All I know is that I feel calmer when I have my needles in my hand. Back when my brother was still talking to me, I was sitting in his kitchen with our mom, my husband and my brother's wife. We were going over what their drug habit had cost them financially and how they could get back onto track. I sat with my knitting in my hand and my brother asked me about it. I told him that when I'm nervous or stressed I knit. He asked what did I have to be stressed about. This man that has been my brother all of his life, this man who has a heroin addiction and whose wife shares that addiction (along with an alcohol problem and painkiller problem). This man who is the father to my two nieces asked me what I had to be stressed about. This man who I have recently found out is still using and has cut me from his life. There's not enough yarn or needles in this world to help my stress. But one stitch at a time I meditate and pray.


Stephanie said...

I don't think some people realize that other people have problems. And your brother has no idea that he is a problem and a worry for you. I'm thinking about you.

Wendy said...

Oh, I wish you well. Keep knitting. Although I don't know all of what you are going through, I have an idea and the only thing that ever helped me was to disengage, as hard as it was.

Marti said...

Drugs are a hard thing to kick. Been there done that, although I never did the big H. Meth is bad enough. People who are using have a warped view of the world and are very self centered. The best thing to do is not help them at all. It sounds mean but dont give them money, food, anything.
Got to your blog via knit and tonic!